The future of Great Britain - a drunk and a manipulative tart?

Just when we thought it was all over, when we were being encouraged by the sight of a maturing William Windsor getting on with his life, charting out his plans with the army and navy and taking on more royal duties, we were faced with the most unpalatable news that he had suffered a monumental relapse and had gone back to his self-destructive ways. Here was the prince once again stumbling blind drunk out of a nightclub, accompanied by his usual drinking partner and errant sex-buddy under such circumstances, the incredibly persistent, "publicity-shy" (yeah right) Kate Middleton. Men can sometimes be their own worst enemies, I tell you.

Now while it is obvious to anyone with two eyes and a functioning brain that the woman in question appears to have cornered the market in the tabloid stakes with the aid of some shrewd PR-tactics (some of which have since backfired), among other things, some routinely sycophantic reporters have been at pains to describe her as discreet (everytime she gets involved in William's plans the world gets a blow-by-blow account), demure (plunging necklines and bum-skimming skirts with fishnet stockings are the order of the day), and an all-round victim and loather of public attention (even in the face of abundant evidence that she frequently and readily courts the press when it suits her single-minded agenda).

Which begs the question: is William stupid? Or is his brain simply addled by the copious amounts of alcohol he consumes? I repeat, men can sometimes be their own worst enemies. Because judging from the fevered crescendo of the rabid hacks' predictions of impending marriage in the pro-Middleton tabs, his latest drunken antic may have been the biggest mistake he has made since he grew a pair and finally called time on the increasingly fractious relationship in March of this year. How many men have not sealed their fates by stumbling drunk out of bars with women they thought they had successfully offloaded? In the latest escapade, a ring that Middleton has sported for a good year was touted by tabs as "a firm sign of commitment", followed by the usual mentions of "moving from strength to strength", "it's a matter of when, not if" and various regurgitations of the predictions they were making exactly a year ago, before being left with egg on their faces after Easter this year. Although there were more sceptics this time around, the press still seems hell-bent on making this woman William's bride, whether he wants her to be or not. I wonder, how many of them would be happy to force unwanted girfriends down their own sons' throats? In the midst of this, they forget that Kate Middleton, far from being a victim of some heartless cad, is very much a willing participant in the soap opera that this has become. She knows the score, and much more.

More astute royal observers have noted that William, when accompanied Middleton, usually appears to be either drunk or irritated. It is believed that it was a combination of these two conditions that led his press secretary to make an ill-advised complaint about "harassment" by papparazzi outside the club, even though his companion's grinning demeanour showed that she was anything but. There is still no word as to whether he was coerced into making the complaint (or by whom), since footage showed that he was way too drunk to make any assessment of the situation at the time. Nevertheless, things appear to be getting back to normal. For although William has since got over his latest hangover and resumed royal duties, his on-off companion has fallen back into her old routine of frequenting papparazzi-haunted bars in London and smiling encouragingly at waiting photographers. She was last pictured cosying up to a bouncer on her way out of a particularly well-known papparazzi haunt, Mahiki. The hemlines are once again on the way up, possibly indicating that developments are once again winding down, as far as any hopes of "rekindlement" with William is concerned. We should be so lucky.

Has it really come to this?

Do the United Kingdom and the Commonwealth really want a king who appears to have a serious drinking problem and issues of judgement? Do they want a future queen who seems to revel in revealing nearly every inch of her body to the photographers she claims to loathe, while chatting them up when she thinks no-one is watching? Do they want to have a queen consort who has not held down a job in the nearly three years since she graduated from university with a dubious degree in Art History and has shown no interest in anything other than waiting around, putting out intermittently and scheming her way into a royal engagement?

It is said that the Queen is deeply unsettled by the prospect of William even considering bringing Middleton into her family, and feels that he "could do better". This must be the understatement of the year. Queen Elizabeth is not blind. Nor are her family and friends and the people upon which the survival of the monarchy and their sense of privilege ultimately depends. Middleton would be the first woman to be allowed into the royal family after having so blatantly exploited her position as mistress to a member of the family to gain various goods and favours, the most obvious of them being a "cut-price" Audi A3 car. Add to that the rumoured freebies in the form of designer clothes and handbags and a rather unsavoury image emerges. And with that goes any remaining shred of respect for the woman in question. God help the British monarchy if she gets a foot in the door, given her insatiable desire for publicity and her dubious track record. And God help the monarchy if William ends up on the throne on current form.

Biased press

William's behaviour is no different from that of his younger brother Harry, yet he is the one who is constantly praised while his less than flattering exploits are ignored. This despite the fact that in many respects, it is Harry who comes across as the more genuine and mature of the two, especially when one looks at his serious commitment to, and obvious delight in participating in charitable activities, particularly those involving disadvantaged children. Similarly, William's "professional PR" on-off mistress plays a lazy media and is held up as one who can do no wrong, despite ample evidence to the contrary, while Harry's obviously more responsible, less affected and clearly highly intelligent girlfriend Chelsy Davy is constantly ripped to shreds by the same papers for the slightest of (often fabricated) infractions. It begs the simple question: what does Kate Middleton and/or her family and/or William have on the British media?

And one could go on.

On the basis of the evidence and an analysis of personalities involved, it would appear that Harry, being the more mature and engaging of the two, would be more aptly suited to shouldering the vast responsibilities that the position of future king of England would entail. The last thing people would need is another dithering, self-absorbed individual in the position. After Charles vacates the post (if he ever gets there), they will need a well-deserved break. William may have his mother's looks, but any similarities end there. He is very much his father's son, and not in a positive way. Harry, on the other hand, has inherited his mother's natural sense of empathy and her common touch, as well as her sense of purpose.

Let Harry take over, for the good of the country and the Commonwealth. And put William out to pasture once and for all, together with the highly fragrant Kate Middleton.